Being invited to a wedding is only the beginning of a gauntlet of etiquette! Whether it is your first wedding or your fiftieth, today’s episode of Wedding Secrets Unveiled! is here to help you avoid committing a major faux pas! Casey Marak of CK Collective is back today to wrap up her rapid-fire tips on how to be the best guest at the wedding. In this second and final episode of our mini-series on wedding guest etiquette, Casey walks through navigating open bars, being a courteous wedding party participant, and overall reception dos and don’ts! So grab a notebook and find out how to be the best possible guest at your next wedding!
For our listeners, if you have not listened to our last episode, stop here and go listen to Casey’s first episode.
Meet Casey.
I’m Casey. I am the owner of CK Collective. We are a boutique wedding planning firm, based in Rhode Island. I started the company in 2023 after working in the wedding circuit in Rhode Island for the past seven years and now serve Rhode Island, Connecticut, and Massachuesetts. Or wherever you want to go! .
So we’re just going to take it from where we kind of left off from last episode, let’s start with the reception. We’ve talked about the RSVP and ceremony. But now it’s time to celebrate. Talk to me about open bars.
Having an open bar, unless it’s for religious purposes, I think needs to be a standard. But, that also comes with responsibilities for your guests. An open bar is not a marathon and it is not a sprint and it’s not something that should be taken advantage of. If you are the younger crowd or the crowd that likes to have a good time, let’s do it in moderation. I’ve had guests not make it through cocktail hour. Heck, I’ve had couples not make it through cocktail hour for being so drunk.
Have a great time – responsibly.
Yes. You shouldn’t be doing shots at a wedding!
Absolutely not. Most venues, especially around us up here in New England, don’t serve shots, for good reason. And if you go up to the bar and are really trying to convince that bartender to serve you shots, he’s simply doing his job. So let’s not get upset, or go tell the bride and the groom that the bartender won’t serve you shots. Similar situation: if the bartender does have to cut you off, that doesn’t mean you go up to the couple and complain.
And don’t ask them for another drink or bottle when the bar shuts down. They’re following the laws.
Absolutely. I think another part of this that expands beyond the bar. Let’s just overall be adults and be responsible. The last thing that a bride wants to see if she’s walking into the bathroom is you doing other substances at this wedding. First of all, it could cause legal issues with it being on premise or whatever else. If you’re going to smoke cigarettes or even weed and come back smelling like that, just… try not to. Cut down on how much you’re smoking.
Especially if a wedding has kids at it!
Yep. Don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want your grandmother to see you doing. Also, the bar is usually closed during speeches. Sit down – you can wait 10 minutes to get a drink.
And, if you are the person that’s giving the speech, zip those speeches up. Tighten them up. Try to have your speeches before the first course too because people will start to talk and you want to be able to hear your speeches.
Also don’t yell during speeches. This is not your time to give your opinions.
Another little nugget of advice: iIf you are giving a speech, please don’t read off your cell phones. Couples, don’t read your vows off a phone either.
I totally agree. Also, in a similar situation to the ceremony – with big moments like the first dance, try to put your phone away. The last thing that the bride and groom is going to want to do is see a wide shot of their first dance and everybody circling the dance floor has a phone on their hand or has their flash on and it’s ruining the photography and videography lighting as well.
It looks terrible and you’re not in the moment.
And that’s something that I think a lot of people are trying to kind of bring back: the fact that you’re not in the moment when you’re taking all these pictures and videos. You’re not experiencing it with everybody else. So I think honestly, a wedding is a great time to practice disconnecting a little bit and really taking in the moment because you’re going to get professional pictures and videos of it after the wedding anyway.
You’re not the bride or you’re not the groom or you’re not the couple. You’re just a guest. You’re not the influencer today.
There is this thing going on right now where you can actually hire a content creator for your wedding. Yeah, it’s huge. People have been doing it also, honestly, as a way to kind of avoid more expensive videography costs. But yeah, there are couples that hire a content creator, in addition to their photography or videography package. The content creator is either live posting on the couple’s socials during the event, or are creating a raw backlog of pictures and images on their phone that they can watch the next day.
With that said, going back to photos: there is a professional photographer there. I have so much respect for the content creation and you want things for your behind the scenes. But, respect that there is a photographer and/or videographer there and don’t get in the way.
Absolutely. As a photographer, I’m also happy to photograph guests who ask. If you look and feel fabulous and want a photo, then totally ask me. But, there is a time and a place for that. If you see that I am photographing the first dance or speeches or the couple, please do not ask me then.There are plenty of opportunities, so just be conscious. And also if you are a guest and you are a photographer, leave your DSLR at home!
Don’t hassle the photographer. I get that it’s hard and you can totally be camera shy, but remember that the couple wants a photo of you. If a photographer asks you to move to a different spot, just be respectful.
Here’s another one: clinking the glasses. It can be fun for me to snap a neat photo – a different perspective or something. But otherwise, it’s annoying.
Oh, absolutely. And I think there’s a time and a place for it. Maybe once or twice.. We don’t need to do it every 10 minutes.
I have another thought. When people enter the room, and you see the chart or place cards before the reception, don’t go in and put your stuff down beforehand. It’s important to understand that as a guest. Stay in the cocktail hour. I’ll tell you why: the photographer still likely hasn’t done their reception room shots. We don’t need your stuff messing up the beautiful decor.
Of course, if there’s a circumstance that you need to put something down, just come and ask anybody at the venue or coordinator or the planner, we’re happy to put your stuff somewhere in the meantime while you enjoy cocktail hour.
Before we move on, give me some other tips regarding reception vendors.
I think there are a few little tidbits that you might not have thought of! Let’s start with the DJ or band. 9 times out of 10, the DJ will ask the couple for a “must play” list, and a “do not play” list. If you are able to provide requests, give them but don’t keep asking the DJ about it. If they never play it, don’t bug the DJ either. Chances are that song might have been on the “do not play” list or the DJ was told not to take requests. Just be respectful of it. It’s not your day.
Yes! We do not expect people to even know these things, because they don’t work in the industry. So we’re just helping you as far as the vendors go.
If you see a vendor eating a meal, let them be. Just leave them alone for a minute as a guest. That’s the break and they deserve it.
Oh – another random tip. If the couple has a photo booth with props, leave them there! A lot of times, those are actually may have been bought by the couple, or they are there as special requests for the couple.
A photo booth comes with its own etiquette. For example, the couple receives every single one of those pictures. So just keep that in mind when you’re posing or doing whatever it may be that those pictures will be dispersed. And I’ll leave it at that.
Yes, fair. All right. So let’s move right into the bridal party. So I think a great starting place would be getting ready.
I think your goal in the bridal party is to make sure your bride or groom is stress free. So however that relates to you, whatever you could do to ensure that situation. For example, if your hair and makeup is all done, and your hair makeup artist is on to the next person, but you’re really not liking how that blush looks, you just take care of that elsewhere. Let’s not derail the whole timeline of hair and makeup or let on to the fact that you’re self conscious or stressed about something.
Even if you are in the wedding party, that doesn’t mean that you hold any more importance or significance or priority in the day. You’re there to support your friends and your loved ones. Just because you have a title of “bridesmaid”, it doesn’t mean you are higher on the priority list than anyone else. Even when you’re in the bridal party, you’re still a guest.
Another thing is that there is stuff to be done that morning.
Most of the times, the couple has nerves. Keep that in mind as you’re handing them champagne. Trying to take the edge off may be having the opposite effect if they’re anxious. There’s no pressure. Celebrate how you want to celebrate and there’s no rules that you have to have a mimosa because it’s the morning.
Side note: your vendors should not be drinking on your wedding day!
And I’ve had a few instances of thi. Don’t get us wrong, we know that you’re coming from a place of kindness. It’s a thank you and from a place of apprecation. But, your professional vendors should say no. 99% of the time your vendors aren’t going to say yes, don’t take offense to it. We’re at work.
Also, don’t ask the vendors for something that isn’t in their wheelhouse. We might be able to go ask someone for a new fork for you but we’re not responsible for filling up your water if we’re not the wait staff. We have other responsibilities. The vendors at the wedding are there for the bride and the groom. And they are not your personal assistant.
Oh, that reminds me: for the wedding party – try on your attire when you pick it up!
I think with being in the wedding party comes the responsibility of making sure that you have everything that you need to be as self-sufficient as possible. Because your purpose is to be there to be with a couple and helping and assisting them and making sure they have the best day. You don’t ever want it to feel like you’re taking away from them. Another thing for bridesmaids: make sure that you steamed your dress prior to arriving. When you’re leaving, make sure you have all of your things pack up too.
I have a little note: if you want to be helpful in the bridal party, you can always ask the photographer or planner what you can do to give them a hand.
Absolutely, and we appreciate it. We will never feel like that’s overstepping or a more of a burden, it’s great to know that the people that we are helping and not working against us.
Another side note.., if you are opinionated about the pictures and where the pictures need to be photographed, please don’t say it out loud in front of the couple.
I think that goes with anything. From the flowers to the dresses or decor, if you see that something is off, don’t go to the couple. If there’s a coordinator there, go to them first.
Wrap-Up Question
What are some key points that our couples could be letting their guests know to help them be a good guest?
You are there to celebrate this couple. Be present and be excited.
Anytime you have a question, remember: three before me. Try to avoid putting any more burden on the couple as much as possible.
Just because there’s an open bar doesn’t mean that we need to be taking full advantage of it or be taking too much advantage of it. Let’s pace ourselves at the bar.
Please respect when vendors are asking you to do something, their job is to keep the day running smoothly.
What We Discussed
Meet Casey (2:04)
Weddings and phone etiquette (8:01)
Photography tips (13:15)
Being in the bridal party (18:53)
Etiquette for Wedding Vendors (24:21)
Wrap-Up Question (42:30)
Links Mentioned in the Episode
Find CK Collective Events at Website | Instagram
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