Mother-daughter relationships are among life’s most cherished bonds. But when it comes to weddings—whether the relationship is strong or strained—emotions tend to run high. Today, we’re joined by Tracy Hill of Highfields Golf & Country Club, who shares her unique journey from seasoned wedding expert to Mother of the Bride. With the wedding industry evolving significantly over the years, Tracy offers heartfelt insights and practical advice on how to manage expectations and create a meaningful experience for both mother and daughter. Tune in for thoughtful tips on navigating this emotional season and making the big day a beautiful, shared celebration.
Meet Tracy.
I’m Tracy Hill, and I’m the Director of Banquet Sales and Catering at Highfields Golf and Country Club in Grafton, Massachusetts. Grafton might sound like it’s off the beaten path, but it’s actually super convenient—just off Route 146, about 30 minutes from Providence, 15 minutes from Worcester, and 45 minutes from Boston. I’ve been with Highfields for a few months now and I’m absolutely loving it. I work for an incredible family—the McGills—who have poured so much heart and hard work into developing not only the golf course but the surrounding neighborhoods as well.
In my role—which is just a fancy way of saying “wedding and event coordinator”—I get to help people celebrate life’s best moments. We host everything from weddings and mitzvahs to bridal showers, birthdays, and more. If there’s something you want to celebrate, we’d love to help make it unforgettable.
Today we’re diving into something really special—and real—with one of our favorite industry experts. You’re someone who excels in customer relationships. You take care of your people. This is such a fitting conversation for you.
Thank you! Yeah, I’ve been in this industry a long time. I actually took a little break—I was at a different facility, and then out of the wedding world for about a year and a half. And boy, did I miss it. I thought maybe my wedding career was over… but nope! It pulled me right back in. And honestly? It’s the people I missed most. I love customer service, but more than that, I have a passion for meeting people, really understanding them, and seeing them during some of the greatest moments of their lives.
We knew this industry would pull you back in! And today’s topic is so good—because not only are you a sales coordinator, but your unique perspective from years in the business means you’ve seen events from start to finish. Dan and I were talking about how we needed someone to speak to what it’s like from the mother of the bride angle, because, let’s face it, family dynamics are real.
Oh, absolutely. It’s a huge part of what I do—getting to know the people behind the event. I love having a couple of planning meetings with the couple ahead of time. A lot of times, the groom or fiancé won’t come, and the bride brings her mom. That dynamic can be… interesting! But I also bring my own perspective as a mom of two adult daughters. I’ve married off both of them in the last five years. You’d think, with all my experience, I’d know exactly how to behave, right? But it was such a wake-up call. It gave me so much empathy for moms going through it. So today, hopefully we can shed a little light—on what brides are thinking, what moms are feeling, and why everyone acts the way they do.
Right? Because it’s one thing to observe it as a vendor—but living it? That’s a whole different level of understanding.
Exactly. And I just want to say up front, we’re not here to offend anyone. If something we say hits home—just know, we’re saying it with empathy. Maybe we’ll help someone realize, “Ohh, this is why my mom is acting like this,” or “This is what my daughter really wants.” Hopefully we can open up some understanding.
So, let’s get into it. We’re starting with the horror stories. Because every wedding vendor has them, right?
Oh yeah, ask any vendor—DJ, photographer, videographer, coordinator—we’ve all got our horror stories. I remember one in particular…
So, this bride and her mom had an okay relationship. Nothing dramatic—until wedding day. Tensions were already high. I always tell my couples: the hours leading up to the ceremony? Those are the hardest. Once you say, “I do” and walk back up that aisle, it’s like—relief. You’re hungry, ready to party, the vibe shifts. But before that? That’s where the nerves live.
Yes! The pressure, the emotions, the expectations—it’s all peaking right before the ceremony.
Exactly. And you’re usually surrounded by the people you feel most comfortable with—so unfortunately, that’s who you’re most likely to lash out at.
I was downstairs with my team setting up, and I saw the mom pacing by the door. She was visibly upset. I went over and asked if she was okay, and she said, “I’m ready to leave. I don’t want to be here. She yelled at me, and I don’t even like the person she is right now.” And I just said, “Look, you’re mad now, but if you leave, you’ll regret it. You don’t get this day back. Just give it space—have some water, take a breath. Let her do her thing. Things will calm down.” And you know what? They did. Half an hour later, everyone had cooled off, and the day went beautifully. But that moment? It was so real. And it could have gone the other way.
It’s such good advice—especially for moms, or really anyone close to the bride. You’re not helping by jumping in or escalating things. Just support her. Let her have her moment.
Exactly. And if something truly bothers you—Monday is the day to send that email. Not the wedding day. Be present, be calm. The emotional energy that day is sacred. Don’t bring extra drama.
Totally. And while we’re on the horror stories… let’s talk about the role of parents, especially moms. As a photographer, I get asked all the time, “Do you deal with Bridezillas?” And honestly, at this point? I can see those red flags a mile away. It’s not that they’re Bridezillas—they’re just not my people. And I’m not heirs. That’s okay.
I 100% agree.
But when things do go sideways… nine times out of ten, it’s around the parents. That’s where the really emotional stuff comes up. One of my wildest experiences just happened recently. I debated whether I should even share it, but… I think it’s important. So, everything was planned through the mom. That can go either way—sometimes mom is a dream, helping her daughter with love and grace. Other times… not so much. When there’s tension, it almost always comes when mom is driving the planning process.
YES. I couldn’t agree more. There are moms who are absolute angels, and their daughters are so grateful. But when there’s conflict? It’s almost always because the mom is doing the planning, and the bride feels like she’s not being heard.
How can we prevent these breakdowns? What do brides really need from their moms? And how can moms feel included without taking over? Now—quick disclaimer, again—we’re not throwing all planning moms under the bus here. Because sometimes? It’s magic. There’s this beautiful energy where mom knows what her daughter needs. She gets it. She’s involved because the bride wants her to be.
100%! I’ve seen those moments, and it’s seamless. It’s almost like mom’s in sync with her daughter’s brain. They’re a team, they vibe, they make magic happen.
But this next story? This one’s not that. And it’s a different angle entirely—it’s about the mother of the groom.
Ooh! We need to talk about this more—so many people overlook the mother-of-the-groom dynamic, but it’s so important.
Totally. So, Tracy, you’ll love this one—Dan knew where I was going with this. I wasn’t going to take this wedding. I mean, there were red flags from the first phone call. Just the way she spoke about the wedding, about her son, about her soon-to-be daughter-in-law… I was cringing. I knew this was going to be a tough one.
But Dan and I—we knew the couple needed someone who could handle this. Any other photographer might not have been able to navigate the situation without making it worse. But we’ve been doing this a long time. We knew the kids were good people. We knew the mother was a lot, but we also knew the couple deserved someone who could hold space for them.
That’s a seasoned vendor mindset right there.
So, here’s the deal: the bride didn’t have any family. None. And the mother of the groom was financially backing the wedding—so she was the one involved in all the planning. But it was her day. Not theirs. She made that crystal clear.
We were told— directly —not to take photos of certain family members, and the ones the bride did have left. And again, most photographers either wouldn’t have listened or would have followed those orders blindly. Either way, someone would’ve been hurt. But we got creative. We honored the mother-of-the-groom’s requests because—technically— she was our client. She signed the contract; she paid the invoice. But we still found a way to take the photos that mattered for the couple. Quietly. Separately. We made sure they had their memories, even if they don’t have them in hand right now.
Wait—so they don’t have the images?
No. I still legally can’t release them to the couple. Not without permission from my client—the mother of the groom. That’s copyright law. As the photographer, I own the images, but I still need permission to deliver or use them in certain ways.
Oh, that’s heartbreaking.
It kills me. I want them to have those moments. So, I’ve been blogging images, posting sneak peeks—doing what I can —but I still can’t legally send them a gallery, deliver to vendors, or hand those images over without consent.
That’s wild. And sad. And so layered. But this is exactly what we’re talking about. Control. Boundaries. Whose wedding is it, really?
Exactly. And this leads into something you mentioned before that I think is so powerful: just because a parent pays for the wedding doesn’t mean they own it.
Yes! I know it’s not the popular opinion, but I feel this deeply. If you’re lucky enough to be in a position where you can help fund your child’s wedding—that’s a blessing. It’s a gift. But it doesn’t buy control. It doesn’t mean you get to make the decisions.
When my daughters got married, both weddings were totally different. Carolyn, my oldest, she planned everything years in advance. She had the vision. She was driving the bus. I was just the happy copilot.
Maddie, my younger daughter—completely different. She came to me and said, “Mom, can you just do it?” And that’s what I meant earlier—sometimes the dynamic is meant to be that way. She wanted me to take the reins. So I did.
And you knew how to do it with grace. That’s the difference.
Exactly. It wasn’t about me. It was about them. Two totally different weddings—one was at a venue, the other was at our family’s horse farm—and both were beautiful because they reflected each daughter’s personality. Sure, there were moments I would’ve done things differently. But at the end of the day, it was their vision. That’s what mattered. As parents, we’ve got to remember that.
It’s so easy to forget, right? Especially when you’ve been “in charge” their whole life—planning every birthday, every graduation, every family milestone. Then suddenly it’s their turn to make decisions, and we have to learn how to let go.
It’s the ultimate shift. You’re not hosting a party for your kid anymore—you’re witnessing the beginning of their next chapter. And yeah, it’s emotional. But it’s not about us. It’s about them.
It’s even in the symbolism, right? That walk down the aisle—it’s not just tradition. It’s transition. You’re giving them away. Literally and emotionally.
Yes. It’s a release. And as parents, we have to respect that.
Okay, now that we’ve taken you through the heavy stuff, let’s talk about the supportive parents. Because let’s be honest relationships are evolving. Expectations are different. And whether you’re a parent, a couple planning a wedding, or a vendor supporting them, you can do this with love and clarity.
Things are so different now. And I think that’s one of the most important things we can say to both sides—whether you’re the bride, groom, mom, dad, or even the vendor. The landscape of weddings has changed dramatically.
Oh, it really has. And I’m so glad we’re talking about this, because I can definitely speak to it from a mom’s point of view. You know, if you think about when we got married—maybe 25, 30, even 40 years ago—weddings were… simple. You didn’t have a lot of options. You just kind of followed a template. You went with the same photographer your sister used, you got married in the same church your family always went to, and the local hall hosted your reception. It wasn’t about personal expression—it was about tradition.
And there wasn’t Pinterest! Or Instagram! Or mood boards. Or wedding TikTok.
Exactly! Like when I got married in 1993? I basically just showed up in a white dress. There was chicken for dinner. We went to the Poconos for our honeymoon. It was lovely, but it wasn’t personalized. There were maybe two flower choices and one local DJ. It just wasn’t the way it is now.
Right. Now, weddings are productions. In a good way and a tough way. There are so many options, so many ways to customize everything, from the signature drink to the ceremony script.
That’s the pro. The dream you had in your head as a little girl? It can actually happen now. You want a beach wedding at sunset? You can do it. A backyard soirée under string lights and a food truck? Done. That’s the magic of modern weddings.
But there’s a con too, right? Sometimes the production becomes the focus, and people lose sight of what the day is truly about.
Yes, and that goes for everyone involved. It can be overwhelming for couples, for vendors, and especially for parents who aren’t used to this new world of weddings. So when moms say, “Wow, things are just so different now…” it’s not them being difficult—it’s them trying to learn.
Yes! That’s such a good reminder. I hear this all the time: “We just haven’t been to many weddings lately.” Or: “We didn’t have to do all this back then.” And they’re not wrong.
They’re not! And that’s why I always tell parents—especially moms—ask questions. Don’t be afraid to say, “Hey, what does that mean?” or “What does that involve?” If your daughter says she wants a first look, or a sparkler exit, or a donut wall—ask about it! That curiosity helps more than you think.
And also, moms—don’t be afraid to listen. Like, really listen to what your child wants. Not just for the wedding day, but how they want to feel. Do they want something intimate? Do they want to honor certain family traditions? Or do they want to create something totally their own?
Have that conversation. Before you walk into a venue. Before you call vendors. Sit down with your daughter or son and say: “Tell me what you’re dreaming of. What do you picture when you close your eyes?” You can even create a Pinterest board together or make a vision list—whatever helps get it out in the open.
It’s not about saying yes to everything without question. It’s about meeting them in the middle with empathy.
Exactly. And if something’s out of budget or logistically tricky, talk about it. Be honest. But don’t immediately say no just because it’s unfamiliar. Today’s weddings offer so many creative directions—and some of them are actually easier than you think.
And let’s be real. Most moms—and dads too—are coming from a good place. Their intuition is kicking in. They just want everything to be okay.
That’s right. Even if they’re hovering or over-planning or asking 45 questions a day—it’s usually coming from love, not control. They just want to know, “Is this normal?” “Is this going to be okay?” And sometimes they just need someone—maybe the planner, the photographer, the venue manager—to say, “Yes. It’s okay. It’s going to be good.”
That’s our job, too. To normalize all the possibilities. Because at the end of the day, like you said—weddings aren’t just Option A or B anymore. It’s not just “chicken or fish.” It’s “What do you want this to be?”
My best advice to parents? Keep an open mind. Stay curious. Be honest, but supportive. And remember—this might be their first and only wedding, just like it was yours. Help them make it feel like them. Because a child who feels supported is going to walk into that day feeling confident, loved, and seen.
So, let’s talk to those who are listening right now and feeling like… they’re just not getting the support. Maybe they’re constantly butting heads with a parent, or maybe the relationship is already fractured, and wedding planning is just stirring it all up again. What advice do you have for someone in that spot?
First and foremost, I just want to say—you are not alone. There are so many people navigating this exact same thing. And I truly believe, sometimes, a wedding can be more than just a celebration. It can be an opportunity for healing.
Now, I’m an optimist, I really am. So, I always hold on to the idea that the wedding planning season can be a bridge back to connection. It’s a chance to let someone back in. To say, “Hey, I know we’ve had a tough past, but would you come to dress shopping with me?” It doesn’t have to be every moment. But maybe… just one.
That’s such a great point. You don’t have to involve them in everything. If you’re walking on eggshells with your mom or your dad, you can isolate the involvement. Pick something that’s low-pressure. Something light.
Exactly. Dress shopping is a good one. It’s usually a joyful day, there are other people around to buffer the energy, and it’s something that often brings out a genuine smile—even from someone you’re struggling with.
And for anyone listening and nodding along, this is key: you don’t have to heal everything during wedding planning. But you can create moments of connection. And that can mean a lot.
It really can. Little things like meeting the photographer and grabbing dinner after can make connection points. Making centerpieces together while watching a movie. It’s about creating soft spaces in the middle of what can be a stressful time. And if someone can’t be involved in everything, that’s okay. Let them in gently, piece by piece.
Also—this is important—it’s okay to loop in your vendors. You don’t have to give them your life story, but if there are family dynamics we should be aware of, tell us. Please.
Oh yes, I always say this: cue us in. Especially your photographer, your planner, your venue team. You’re not airing dirty laundry—you’re empowering us to protect your peace. There’s a spot on our intake form that literally says, “Any family dynamics we should know about?” Because if I know there’s tension between a bride and her mom, I can gently divert energy. Pull someone aside. Lighten the mood.
Diversion can be a superpower.
It really is! I’ve had weddings where we helped avoid a blow-up just by creating a soft redirection. A little, “Hey, Dad, can you come downstairs and check something out with me?” goes a long way.
These little things that vendors do—they don’t need applause. But when they work, they make a lifelong impact.
Absolutely. It just shows—if you’re struggling, if you’re unsure, if family is hard—lean on your team. We want to help.
I always say—be the parent your child needs that day. If you’ve got a great relationship, be the support system. If it’s rocky, show up in the way that causes the least harm and the most calm. You don’t need the spotlight. Your child just needs your presence.
Okay, let’s shift a little. Because there is a dynamic we don’t talk about enough—Mother of the Bride vs. Mother of the Groom. It’s real. It’s different. And it’s still so traditional in so many ways.
Yep. I have two daughters, and we’re incredibly close. So naturally, I was deeply involved in their weddings. But I also made a conscious effort to involve my daughters’ mothers-in-law—because I knew how easy it is for them to feel like outsiders.
That’s a fantastic tip. If you’re the bride’s family and you’ve got a good relationship with your child’s partner’s parents—bring them in. Don’t make them wait to be invited to everything.
Yes. Especially if they’re trying not to step on toes. So often, the mother of the groom is just waiting for a cue. Give her a job. Invite her to the shower planning session. Include her in the bachelorette if it feels right. These are memory-making moments for her, too.
Absolutely. A wedding is a celebration of two families coming together. That means there’s room for everyone—but sometimes you just have to make the space.
Okay, I know we’re nearing the wrap-up, but before we get there—I want to slip in a little tip that’s slightly off-topic but super important. If you have a parent who’s financially contributing to your wedding or just showing up emotionally in a big way… consider giving them a moment to be acknowledged.
Yes! I totally agree with that. Maybe it’s a quick welcome toast at the reception. Or a simple speech at the rehearsal dinner. It doesn’t have to be a huge spotlight moment, but just something that lets them feel seen—like, “Hey, you didn’t just help pay for the day—you’re part of it.”
Exactly. And if public speaking isn’t their thing, you can take the mic and just thank them. Call them out in your speech. “Thank you, Mom and Dad, for helping us get here.” That kind of public appreciation? Parents absolutely love it.
It goes such a long way. And like you said, even something simple like a mention during a toast or a thoughtful gift—like a parent album from your photographer—that’s such a meaningful way to say, “You matter.”
It’s one of those often-missed opportunities to really honor the people who helped build the day. Emotionally, financially—both. And it can be a quiet gesture or a big one. Either way, it lands.
And don’t forget the rehearsal dinner! That’s another great space to say thank you in a more intimate setting. It doesn’t have to happen during the reception if that doesn’t feel right.
Okay, Tracy—we cannot let you go without a wedding hot take. You know we ask every guest… so what’s yours?
Oh, you’re putting me on the spot! Okay, here’s mine—and I really believe it: I think you should serve drinks at your ceremony. Yep. Like champagne when guests arrive. Or iced tea and lemonade if you want a non-alcoholic option. It just sets the tone. It feels festive. It puts people in a good mood.
I love that! A little bubbly before the “I do”—I mean, yes please! It makes the whole thing feel more like a celebration from the very beginning.
Right? It helps take the edge off. Especially if you’ve got a nervous crowd or a warm day. And hey, you know me—I love a sangria moment. I’m all about those celebratory sips after dress shopping too. Nachos, sangria, laughter. That’s wedding planning done right.
Wrap-Up Question
What are some key points that couples should be keeping in mind when dealing with family dynamics, particularly with mom of the bride or mom of the groom? Also, what are some key points that our mom of the bride or mom of the groom should be keeping in mind when dealing with a wedding day to make sure it was a perfect event?
I think my advice for both the bride and groom, would definitely be to include your parents.
No matter what kind of relationship you have with them, try to include them with something.
Also, keep in mind it is a big day for them as well, too. They’ve raised you from when you were a child all the way up to this point in your life. So, it’s a lot of emotion for them that day too. Be easy on them, for sure.
I think my advice to moms and dads would be remember that it is a privilege to be able to even attend your child’s wedding. I think you should go and enjoy every second of the day. Smile and feel thankful that you’re actually there. I think that’s just going to help you go forward and have a great day with your child. And if they want to include you on something, don’t complain about it. Go and do it with them. Time is time, and making memories are just such blessings that we have in our lives. I think that you know you need to take advantage of every little minute you can with them.
What We Discussed
Meet Tracy (3:04)
Tracy’s Experience and Perspective on Wedding Planning (5:03)
Horror Stories and Practical Advice for Wedding Planning (9:27)
Supportive Tips for Brides and Mothers (29:14)
Navigating Family Dynamics on the Wedding Day (32:11)
Advice for Mothers of the Bride and Groom (45:27)
Wrap-Up Question (51:07)
Links Mentioned in the Episode
You can find Highfields Golf & Country Club: Website | Facebook
You can subscribe to this podcast from wherever you’re listening so you never miss an episode. And, we would so appreciate it if you left a fabulous review for our show on Apple podcast! Even better, share it with a friend. It’s a great way to show your support and let us know what you think. Thank you so much for listening!
