Today on Wedding Secrets Unveiled!, we’re joined by Rabbi Sarah Noyovitz to explore the rich traditions and rituals of Jewish weddings. While many are familiar with the hora and the breaking of the glass, there are countless ways to make your ceremony uniquely personal. From customized blessings to designing a ketubah that reflects your love story, Rabbi Noyo shares how each ceremony is thoughtfully crafted—whether Jewish, interfaith, or non-religious. If you’re planning a Jewish wedding or looking to add meaningful personal touches to your big day, this episode is a must-listen!
Meet Rabbi Sarah Noyovits.
My name is Rabbi Sarah Noyovits, but I go by Rabbi Noyo. I’m a rabbi and a wedding officiant. I work with all kinds of couples, including Jewish couples, interfaith couples, and couples where neither person is Jewish. I’m based in the Boston area and I mostly stay in the Greater Boston area for weddings, but I’m open to traveling. I actually have a wedding inquiry in Connecticut right now, so while my home base is New England, I’m definitely open to traveling for the right couple and the right opportunity, especially if I’m a good fit for them.
And you’re getting married soon, right?
Yes, I am! This October.
That’s so exciting! Congratulations!
All right, let’s dive in. You mentioned this a little already, but just to clarify, even though you’re a rabbi, you marry anyone, whether they’re religious or not, correct?
Correct. I work with all couples, regardless of their religious background. I’ll marry anybody.
Let’s talk a little bit about Jewish wedding traditions for ceremonies. Can you walk us through some of the rituals, both old and new, for couples who are deciding what they want to incorporate into their ceremony?
Sure! I can’t cover everything in detail, but I’ll highlight some of the more popular rituals, both ancient and modern. I usually have a couple of 90-minute meetings with my clients to go through all the options, so there’s a lot to choose from. Some rituals actually take place before and after the ceremony itself, so let’s start with those.
Ketubah
One ritual that many couples choose before the ceremony begins is the Ketubah, the Jewish wedding document. It’s an ancient text, but I’ve never had a couple want to use the original version—it’s considered quite progressive for its time, but not so much now. Most couples opt for a modern text that reflects their personal relationship and their hopes for the future.
For example, some couples include vows like, “We want our home to be a place of laughter, happiness, and support.” The Ketubah is traditionally signed before the ceremony at Ashkenazi weddings, usually about 15 minutes before the processional. At Sephardi weddings, it’s signed during the ceremony. If a couple isn’t doing a first look, signing the Ketubah during the ceremony can be a great option since it requires the couple to be together with their witnesses. There are also Ketubah options for queer and interfaith couples, and you can easily find these online for a range of prices.
Circling
Another popular ritual is the circling. Traditionally, the bride circles the groom seven times, but today, many couples opt for a more egalitarian version where each partner circles the other three times, followed by one final circle together. This happens before the couple stands in front of the officiant to begin the ceremony. It’s a lovely way to symbolize the couple’s bond and commitment.
There are also some blessings that can be said during the ceremony. For example, the engagement blessing is a nice way to honor the couple’s relationship, though many couples prefer to customize this to fit their own style. The seven wedding blessings are another significant part of the ceremony. These are a great way to honor special people in your life, particularly if they’re not in the wedding party. The blessings can be recited in English, so anyone who is able to read can participate. I provide couples with an extensive document with various poetic, interpretive translations of these blessings, and they can pick whichever resonates most with them. Some couples even have their loved ones write their own blessings, which is a really sweet personal touch.
It sounds like there are so many ways to make the ceremony personal and meaningful. Are there any other popular options to include?
The most popular ritual at the end of the ceremony is the smashing of the glass. It’s a moment that’s universally recognized, even if you’re not familiar with Jewish weddings. This is usually done to mark the conclusion of the ceremony and to symbolize the breaking of the glass as a reminder of the fragility of life and the commitment to standing by each other through it all. It’s a powerful and emotional way to end the ceremony.
Like you mentioned, the smashing of the glass is probably the most well-known tradition. Are there any other unique traditions that you think are beautiful but don’t get seen as much?
Oh, absolutely! One ritual that I really love, but you don’t see as often, is the breaking of a plate before the ceremony. Traditionally, this was done by the mothers of the bride and groom, though I’ve had dads do it, and even the couple themselves has chosen to break the plate. Sometimes more than two parents do it as well. The symbolism is powerful—when a plate is broken, it is changed forever, and similarly, when a couple gets married, they are changed forever. It’s a beautiful, meaningful tradition.
That’s something I hadn’t heard of before!
Yeah, it’s a unique one! And, of course, people love to break things. Just a little tip—sometimes couples opt to break a lightbulb instead of a plate, as it’s a little easier. I’ve seen this work really well, especially if you wrap the lightbulb in a napkin.
Oh, that’s a great idea!
Light bulbs used to be super popular because they make a loud, satisfying pop when stepped on. But I actually recommend couples get a special “smash glass” that’s designed for this purpose. You don’t want to use just any glass, especially not something from the kitchen, because regular glasses are either too thick or have stems that make them harder to break. Smash glasses are made of thin, non-tempered glass, and they’re much easier to break. Plus, they often come in a nice satin bag that you can save the shards from. Many couples use the shards to create a keepsake, like having the glass melted into a frame or incorporating it into Shabbat candlesticks. It’s a really nice way to preserve the memory.
That’s such a creative way to keep the memory alive!
Exactly! It’s all about creating that moment and also having something beautiful to look back on. It’s a win-win.
You mentioned the “wow” effect of the smashing of the glass earlier, but what other traditions, maybe ones that aren’t as common would you want to see more of?
One of my favorite moments is actually a blessing I give the couple at the end of the ceremony, just before the smashing of the glass. At this point, the couple is officially married in every way we’ve set out to make that happen. It’s a threefold blessing, and if you’re familiar with it, you might recognize part of it: “May the Lord bless you and keep you…” But I use a gender-neutral, God-neutral translation, so it works for couples with or without religious beliefs. It’s really meaningful for everyone.
Couples can also choose to wrap themselves in a tallit (a prayer shawl) for this moment, which I like to call the “tallit burrito.” They get to cuddle together under the prayer shawl while receiving their first blessing as a married couple. It’s such a sweet and intimate moment, and while not all couples opt for it, it’s a beautiful tradition to consider.
That sounds lovely! Now, for couples considering a Jewish ceremony, what is required by Jewish law?
Great question. Jewish law outlines a few requirements for a wedding, but the Talmud—an ancient Jewish text—lists multiple rituals that are all considered important for marriage. The ancient rabbis couldn’t agree on just one, so they recommended doing them all. Personally, I don’t require all of them. For example, Jewish law traditionally mandates a monetary exchange, where a groom gives a ring to the bride in exchange for her ownership. I don’t follow that exactly. Instead, if there’s a ring exchange, I require a second ring to cancel out the original one, making it more equitable for both partners.
So, in a technical sense, my weddings aren’t legally recognized as “traditional” Jewish weddings, but the couples I work with really appreciate the second ring idea and why it’s important.
There are also the seven wedding blessings, which are traditionally recited in Hebrew. I do this very occasionally, but most couples prefer English translations for those. The chuppah, or wedding canopy, is technically required, but again, I don’t require anything except that second ring. That’s really my only hard requirement.
You mentioned the breaking of the plate as a pre-ceremony ritual. Are there any other meaningful traditions couples might consider before or after the ceremony?
Definitely. The plate-breaking can happen any time—from months before the wedding to right before the ceremony. Some couples do it at a wedding shower or rehearsal dinner, and others do it right before signing the Ketubah and heading down the aisle. It’s very flexible.
Another powerful pre-wedding ritual is a water immersion, called mikvah. It’s a traditional Jewish practice where someone dunks in water to mark a significant life transition. In Newton, Massachusetts, we have a progressive mikvah called Mayyim Hayyim, which means “living waters.” It’s a beautiful, welcoming space—I actually immersed there myself on my 20th birthday! For weddings, I usually recommend doing the immersion about a week before the ceremony. That way, it still feels like a transition without being too close to the chaos of the actual day.
There are no requirements for this kind of immersion, like there are requirements if you’re immersing to say, convert to Judaism, but for other kinds of transitional moments, getting married, getting divorced, having a baby, experiencing a miscarriage, name change, surgery, before or after, like all of these transitional moments can be marked with water. And since Mayim Chaim is available to Jews or people becoming Jews when they immerse, for particularly my interfaith couples, if they want to immerse together, I suggest a body of water they enjoy. You can totally do your own version—go to your favorite lake or beach, wear bathing suits, read something meaningful, and just take that moment to honor the shift you’re making together. It’s really adaptable and special.
What about any Jewish wedding traditions post-ceremony?
Yes! One tradition I love that’s actually becoming more common even in secular weddings is called Yichud, which means “seclusion.” Right after the ceremony, the couple goes somewhere private—just the two of them. I highly recommend it. Even if it’s only two minutes, take that time. Have water, a snack, breathe, and just be alone together before the whirlwind of the reception.
Some couples are even opting to have their dinner in private, which I love. I loosely “require” couples to assign one or two people to guard that Yichud space. Like I always say, it’s the most important job of the day. I don’t care if the owner of the venue shows up, or the President of the United States—no one gets past those guards. That moment is sacred. Protect it at all costs.
I love that! Can you share a bit more about the origin of that tradition?
Absolutely. The tradition comes from Jewish law, which, like many ancient systems, is rooted in very gendered concepts. Historically, there was a prohibition against adult men and women being alone together in a closed room unless they were married. The concern was that without witnesses, no one could confirm what did or didn’t happen.
So in that context, yichud symbolizes something significant: now that the couple is married, they are permitted to be alone behind closed doors. It marked a shift, a new status for the relationship. In that way, it was actually quite progressive for its time, offering a form of protection and recognition for the newly married couple.
Let’s switch gears a bit and talk about what we typically see at receptions. We’ve touched on ceremony traditions, but what are some of the most common Jewish wedding traditions for receptions?
Probably the most well-known is the Hora, which is a traditional circle dance. Usually, people use a Hora medley—not just one song, but a series of lively, traditional tunes. One of the most iconic is Hava Nagila. If there are any Jewish listeners out there, they’re probably already singing it in their heads: “Hava Nagila, Hava Nagila…” It’s the quintessential Hora song, and it often flows into other melodies.
The Hora actually comes from a commandment in Jewish tradition to rejoice and celebrate with a couple on their wedding day. So, this circle dance is a physical expression of that joy—it’s literally fulfilling a mitzvah (commandment) by dancing and celebrating with the newlyweds.
That’s such a fun tradition—and it’s always a big moment at receptions! But there’s also the chair lift, right?
Yes! The chair lift is super popular and really fun. What’s interesting is that it has roots in more traditional practices. In many historically traditional Jewish weddings—especially in Orthodox communities—dancing is separated by gender, often with a physical partition down the middle of the room. The couple wouldn’t be allowed to dance together, so lifting them in chairs was a way for them to see each other over the partition.
Sometimes they’d even hold opposite ends of a napkin or cloth across the divide as a symbolic way of “dancing together.” Even at modern weddings without the gender separation, this napkin tradition sometimes still happens—it’s a sweet and fun nod to the past.
Also, a quick tip: if you’re doing the chair lift, make sure the taller people are lifting from the front legs of the chair. If they’re in the back, you might slide right off. I’ve seen it happen!
That’s such a good tip—and honestly, I didn’t know the napkin thing had such meaning. I always thought it was just something fun!
Yup, it’s fun and meaningful—which is what I love about so many of these traditions. They’re rich with history but also adaptable and joyful.
What should vendors know when they’re working with Jewish weddings?
Great question! For vendors working their first Jewish wedding, especially, it’s really helpful to get an outline of the ceremony ahead of time. Jewish ceremonies often have different and additional key moments that you’ll want to be aware of—like the smashing of the glass. For example, is only one person smashing the glass, or are both partners doing it? That’s something you want to know ahead of time, especially as a photographer or videographer, so you can position yourself properly and not miss the shot.
That makes total sense!
And it’s the same for DJs or live musicians. One big thing is understanding the circling ritual, which can happen right after the processional. You definitely don’t want the music to fade out and then suddenly—surprise—there’s silence while the couple is doing their circling. So if that’s happening, keep the music going until they’ve finished and stepped under the chuppah.
Another important cue for DJs or bands is the glass smash. That’s usually the very end of the ceremony, and you want to hit play on the recessional music the moment that foot hits the glass. People are going to cheer, shout “Mazel Tov!”, the couple might kiss—it’s a big moment. Music should flow right into that.
That’s such a great tip, especially because those transitions really impact the whole feel of the ceremony.
Absolutely. I always make it a point to connect with the other vendors when I arrive—coordinators, photographers, DJs—just to make sure everyone’s on the same page. A little communication goes a long way.
Can you talk a little more about officiants in general—especially for couples who are trying to decide who should lead their ceremony?
So, rabbis and cantors—who are also trained Jewish clergy—tend to be on the higher end in terms of officiant pricing, and that’s because there’s often a lot of ceremony planning involved in a Jewish wedding. But it’s also about the training and professionalism we bring.
I’m a big fan of couples choosing who feels most right to them, whether that’s clergy, a professional non-religious officiant, or a friend or family member. But I will say this: officiants are one of the most undervalued vendors in the wedding industry.
We like to joke among ourselves that without us, it’s just a party—because we’re the ones who make it official, who legally marry the couple and sign the paperwork. But officiants also do so much more—writing a custom ceremony script, incorporating personal touches and rituals, coordinating with other vendors, and managing a lot of little things that couples may not even realize are part of the job.
I’ve seen professional officiants charging $200, and I just think… wow, you deserve so much more. And yet I constantly see complaints in wedding planning groups about officiants charging $400, and I’m like—that’s a steal. Officiants deserve to be paid well for everything they bring to the table.
People don’t realize how many logistics are involved!
Totally. For example—do guests know when to sit or stand? Who’s queuing the music? Does the officiant know to step out of the frame during the first kiss or vow exchange for better photos? These little details really matter and affect the entire flow and guest experience.
I’ve seen that too! I’ve even had to motion to guests to sit down because the officiant forgot to tell them.
Oh, same! I remember the very first wedding I officiated—it was before I became a rabbi. I didn’t realize guests would stand for the bride, and I forgot to tell them to sit… so they stood for the entire ceremony.
Never made that mistake again!
So, before we wrap, I’d love to hear about your own wedding! Now that you’re planning from the other side, what’s it been like bringing your expertise into your own process?
Honestly, it’s given me a whole new perspective. I already knew how many decisions go into just the ceremony itself—especially in a Jewish wedding—but going through it as the one getting married? Yeah, it’s next level. From picking colors to deciding how many people you’re feeding with cake—or if you’re even doing cake—it’s a lot. We actually chose just one wedding color because we’re both people who hate making a ton of decisions!
And, because I know how overwhelming it can be, I try to take as much stress off my couples as possible. When we go through the ceremony planning, I actually create mini to-do lists for them as we go. I’ve seen all kinds of planning styles—my partner’s mom had Post-its everywhere, which would make me anxious. I personally have one giant, never-ending scroll of notes on my phone, but it’s all neatly bolded and organized.
Every couple organizes differently.
Right? And some people have a partner who’s all in, and others have a partner who just wants to show up and be told where to stand. I’m lucky—my partner is just as into the process as I am. We actually used the same ceremony worksheet I use with my couples. We picked which version of the seven blessings felt right for us, decided we both wanted to smash a glass (so yep, we’re buying two), and even designed our own ketubah text.
I took bits and pieces from three different ketubah texts, translated and blended them, got feedback from a friend on the Hebrew, and my partner gave final approval. It was collaborative and meaningful—but also very us. That process of picking a ketubah text is real! Even if you’re not doing the Hebrew yourself, you’re still going to be thinking: Do we want this to feel like vows? Or more like aspirational statements? That’s a deep decision!
Wrap Up Question
What are some key questions that couples should be asking their rabbi or officiant to make sure that they’re working with a professional?
First of all—vibe is just as important as professionalism. You want someone whose energy matches what you want for your ceremony. I tell couples: think about the tone you’re going for. Is it casual and fun? Elegant and formal? You don’t want someone making puns and cracking jokes during your regal ballroom ceremony—unless that’s exactly what you want!
Some of my couples want something laid back—like a fun backyard wedding where I take a selfie with the crowd before the ceremony starts. Others want something really sacred and still. The officiant should be able to meet that energy and mirror it.
Another question I highly recommend asking is: How do you work with other vendors? As an officiant, I always ask my couples for the names of their photographer, videographer, DJ or band leader, and the venue coordinator or day-of planner. Those are the people I collaborate with most on the day of. When I arrive, I make sure everyone knows the flow of the ceremony, and I give space for them to ask me any questions, too.
Sometimes photographers want to know if there’s a moment where they shouldn’t get too close—like in Catholic weddings, for instance. I let them know there’s nothing in my ceremony where they need to hang back. If the couple is cool with close-ups, go for it.
So, finding an officiant who isn’t just open to that, but wants to be in communication with your vendor team, is really telling. If they say, “Oh, I don’t usually talk to the other vendors,” that’s a red flag for me. You want someone who sees themselves as part of a team that’s making this experience amazing for you and your guests.
What We Discussed
Meet Rabbi Noyo (2:10)
Jewish Wedding Ceremony Rituals (4:34)
Additional Jewish Wedding Rituals (9:49)
Pre- and Post-Ceremony Rituals (13:17)
Wedding Reception Traditions (27:00)
Officiant Professionalism and Vendor Interaction (32:23)
Wrap Up Question (41:48)
Links Mentioned in the Episode
Find Rabbi Noyo at Website | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn | TikTok
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